I like living not at home anymore, but I’m seriously missing all my friends. I was telling my one Hamilton friend last night that I really miss having a network, where I can go to a party on my own and know that friends will be there. I’m rebuilding my life from scratch and it’s super hard.
I’ve spent tonight watching Grey’s Anatomy and putting posters up when I just wanted to be drunk out of my mind with my friends. I miss knowing a place and knowing lots of people in it. I lost and gave up so much when I left. Having to leave the place where all my friends are is probably the most painful aspect of getting out the relationship that I was in. I’m glad I got out, but I hate what I had to give up in order to and I’m angry about what I am still losing now.
What I’ve really wanted for months is to be 19 again. I look back at that time with envy because my life was amazing and I had no idea how good it was. Like, yeah, for a period of time I did want to jump off the motorway overpass near my house (this it legit). I also had a HORRIBLE relationship with Cunt David, I cried a lot, my friend fucking died and a friendship imploded. However, I was free; I partied every weekend, I saw my best friend nearly everyday, and I saw my other friends all the time. I was surrounded with love.
I know that nostalgia is a beast that makes some things appear better than they actually were, but I can’t stop looking back. I’m afraid that it’s going to eat me up. I just really want people here who I can meet up with, get drunk with, and be myself with. I need to find something that makes me look at the now because I can’t keep looking back. I just want to be myself again, but I’m not sure what that is/feels like anymore. Everything is new.
Unlike Godzilla, Pacific Rim doesn’t try to be serious even when it’s being serious. Characters have names like Stacker Pentecost and Hercules Hansen. The film requires you to believe that the best way to battle a giant monster is to build an even larger robot to fight that monster.
Much of the Act 2 drama derives from inter-pilot tension airlifted from the Val Kilmer scenes in Top Gun. It’s the polar opposite of the Godzilla school of drama, where everyone is a total professional who has absolutely no personal goal besides Saving The World. In Pacific Rim, Idris Elba is Rinko Kikuchi’s Obi-Wan Kenobi, and two of the last Giant Robot-pilots in the world frequently get into sneering fights over who’s the bigger badass, and Charlie Day is a scientist.
So, for all these reasons, Pacific Rim is a movie that I’ve heard perfectly smart people describe as “stupid” or “silly.” The problem with this line of thinking is that, really, that every blockbuster is pretty “silly,” in the context of Things Adults Should Care About. Godzilla is not less stupid than Pacific Rim just because people frown more. […]
The difference, I think, is that Pacific Rim glories in its own silliness. There’s a flashback scene where Idris Elba rescues a little girl, and when he emerges from his giant robot, the sun shines upon him like he’s the catharsis in a biblical epic. There’s a moment when one giant robot swings an oil tanker like a sword. Then it grows a sword out of its wrist. Then it falls from space to earth.
There are real complaints to make about Pacific Rim, I guess, all of them fair and most of them pedantic. I know a lot of people who have issues with the story. (“Why didn’t they use the wrist-sword earlier?” is a popular one.) Conversely, I don’t really know anyone who minds the story in Godzilla, possibly because everything stupid that happens is prefaced by Frowning Watanabe saying “This is why the stupid thing that’s about to happen makes sense.” Godzilla wants so badly to make sense. Pacific Rim wants so badly for Ron Perlman to wear golden shoes.”